Kim’s Story

It’s January, 2021. Full on Covid. What Covid did to education was cruel and unfair. Primary grade children were forced to sit in front of a computer most of the day, unable to experience physical, social interactions. Middle school students, who thrive on a sense of belonging, were socially isolated. Which, by the way, is directly related to increased numbers of depression, self harming and an increased risk of substance abuse. (Yes, I Googled that.) How would we educators stimulate meaningful learning in a stagnant environment?

I found the fact that I had never physically met my students to be particularly challenging. Thankfully, one of my strengths is building relationships and I was able to ‘make-do” by using my creative and sensible abilities. We came up with a mascot (Pink Flamingo), created a bi-monthly talent show so students could feel accomplished in what made them special – playing instruments, telling jokes, performing magic tricks, etc. My goal, and hope, was that the fun activities would encourage these preteens to want to login and learn. Of course, we had our dedicated number of minutes for readin’ writin’ and ‘rithmetic, but we never gave up on our sense of community. Students felt confident in a time of disruption none of us were prepared to deal with.

…we never gave up on our sense of community.

Of course, keeping these 6th graders’ interest during reading, math and science wasn’t quite as easy as facilitating a talent show.  I was NOT prepared to implement a brand new reading curriculum since I had received no training and no teaching resources to implement it. Sure, I’m a seasoned teacher, but it’s difficult to teach skills through content I didn’t have access to. On top of that, I had some technical difficulties that the IT dept was unable to fix, making implementing this even more difficult.  Thankfully, my good friend and teaching colleague offered to instruct the reading lessons as we were team teaching and he could access the curriculum. I was so thankful that my students would be getting what they needed and what my district was suddenly requiring. Thanks, Good Friend and Colleague!

Math lessons were more black and white, so there were fewer struggles there. Science, though, is an especially challenging subject to engage online learners in since kids learn by doing; by experiencing and experimenting. Thankfully science was my favorite subject to teach; I was versed in the MN state science standards and had recently been supporting teachers on meaningful technology integration. Sure, the district administrators quickly purchased an online science curriculum where my students and I  could access science lessons. With this curriculum students would read about rock formations in Florida and were asked to answer questions online. This curriculum did not align to our state standards, though, and was pretty ineffective. Very boring.  I did what I thought was a professional and solid move: I taught lessons aligned to the STATE MANDATED standards and provided my students opportunities to conduct experiments at their homes, sharing with our Zoom cameras.

Without sharing details, a parent confronted me via Zoom during one of my lessons which unbelievably and ultimately led to me being placed on administrative leave.

While deep in thought during my administrative leave, I informed HR that I’d be retiring in June. They responded by dropping the investigation, paying me through the end of my contract, but I was still not allowed to contact students, parents or staff.

A series of unrelated/unfortunate events, occurring both before and after the investigation, kept me skipping across rock bottom for another couple years:

• Rewind three years. I almost lost a person EXTREMELY close to me to fentanyl. This event was so bad that I began self-medicating.

• Rewind two years. I have a health scare- something called Broken Heart Syndrome. Clearly a precursor to an event further down the list.

• Fast forward four months.  My dog bites a neighbor and I have no choice but to put her down. She was a rescue and had come so far.

• Fast forward another six months… my husband leaves me. I’d planned to raise grandkids and for us to grow old together. 

I had no IDENTITY.  I was still a mom, but my kids didn’t need me as much. I was no longer a dog owner. I was no longer a wife, and my pride in telling people I was a teacher in —- district was flushed down the toilet. I was empty. I was robotic. I had always been confident and self-sufficient. Now I had nothing. No home. No where to park my car without wondering if it’d be in anybody’s way.  Nobody to cook/bake for. No career. No dog to console me or provide daily walks. I wallowed in self-pity, got even less exercise and formed the horrible habit of bringing a snack to bed every night (think ice cream, nachos, cereal or NOTHING healthy).

I considered trying therapy but was turned off by the experience I’d had with my ex-husband. He and I were seeing a woman who insisted that if I’d just go to Nordstrom and buy something sexy, I could save our marriage. I still laugh that we paid for that advice! Should my husband dress up like Tarzan then, cuz I really like wild things???? I digress 🙂

After skipping along rock bottom for what seemed like forever, I slowly began building hope. I knew I would get there. “Doing it for my kids” is what fueled my energy.  My friends, sisters and children were my main support. I leaned on them hard and they stood strong for me. My sister and her husband opened their home to me for a few months. My other sister is just wise and always supports with perfect advice. Though at our first Christmas she was unloading gifts and said, “I got a big, fat Fuck YOU for ______,” my ex husband (I still can’t get over that label). My friends helped me find and move into my new home. My children were real with me but also gentle, reminding me that their dad was as equally important to them as I was and that they looked forward to the day I would be comfortable with him at family gatherings.  Every book I read and every movie I saw, seemed to provide a connection with where I was in my ‘journey.’

After skipping along rock bottom for what seemed like forever, I slowly began building hope.

What moved me the most, though, was participating in monthly Soul Collage sessions. This was (and still is) magical. Four of us gather at a cozy home near Lake Nokomis. We share and absorb messages in o poetry and then are led through a reflection process that is both personal, challenging and eye opening. The empowering intent of SoulCollage® is: Discover your wisdom. Change your world.™

Through journaling at each Soul Collage session I am able to track my progress toward building a strong, positive confidence. I’m tickled to report that I finally got over feeling like a failure for losing so much. At a recent Soul Collage session, instead of seeking ways to fix my struggles, I began recognizing what has helped build my confidence so that I can define my identity and continue healing and growing.

I have another great job in education where I choose which days I work, the pay is good and I travel a lot. I miss interacting with children, but when I’m in schools, I get my kid fix. I rediscovered that I LOVE being by myself. When I feel like reading, I read. When I feel like eating, I eat. When I feel like going on an adventure, I go to Thailand. When I feel like staying in bed till 10…

It’s been close to 5 years, and I finally feel like my smile is real. Thank you to my family, friends and Soul Collage for helping recreate my Confidentity. 

Chris’ note – I’ve known Kim for nearly 30 years, meeting her when I began teaching in the late 90s. Our teaching styles clicked and over the years we worked very closely together. Among the highlights of my friendship with Kim were unforgettable service trips to New Orleans after Hurricane Katrina and to Honduras to volunteer at a children’s home.