Her Story

Throw Some Confetti

Our story begins in Florida where many believe is the ideal place to live with sunshine, palm trees, and mild winters which are highly desirable to our midwestern friends who are annual winter survivors.  Florida was our “home” for about six years.  We soaked in the sunshine, visited tourist and local sites for field trips, and spent many days at the theme parks as all good Floridians with discounted annual passes do to make many magical memories.  I say “home” because some friends questioned if Florida was actually home since we made so many trips back to North Dakota.  I sometimes felt like I had two homes.  One in Florida where our family tried to settle in with school, work, church and some friends.  The other in North Dakota where I was born, raised, and surrounded by family and extended family.  There was just something about time spent there that always felt more like “home.”

I sometimes felt like I had two homes.

We had no plans to leave Florida and thought we would stay a very long time which was solidified with an investment in a roof full of solar panels.  It seemed like the Floridian thing to do for our long-term plans.  My mom used to always say when you hang the pictures on the wall in your home is when it becomes time to move.  In our case it was, when you put up the solar panels!  And that is when we started to learn God may have some different plans for us.  

It all began on Mother’s Day with a lengthy text from a loved one requesting that we send money to someone promising a large sum of money.  When we could not meet this demand, the situation escalated and we found ourselves trying to help and protect someone who could not be convinced online scammers are not your friends.  It quickly became clear that we were going to have to help which became a daunting task.  How do you help someone with a brain injury from a stroke but who is still very bright, clever, determined and will go through great lengths to reach an ultimate goal which unfortunately was to give the scammers money so they would give out the promised inheritance.  

The scammers were evil and tricky professionals at convincing someone to believe in an unreal reality.  Their stories often started the same way.  Somebody in a foreign country died with a large sum of money, but had no family to inherit the money. They would claim that person and God would want her to have this money and all she needed to do was send some fees to get the money released. But then the money would get held up by some other organization and they would need some more money to pay the fees to release the money. 

In one of our most frustrating experiences, the scammers sent a link that would appear to be a bank account with millions of dollars of inheritance money in it. My husband who has a degree in computer science and engineering was able to prove that it was not real. He would change the amount it showed in that account to any amount she would choose and explain if it was a real bank it would not be a web page that could be modified. She saw with her own eyes how that could not be real. So she wrote back to the scammers and explained to them that her family showed her how they are just trying to scam her. They of course wrote back and said your son told us you died in a car accident and now he’s trying to steal your inheritance. She of course believed them and with great fury wrote to us explaining how mad she was, how she could not trust us, and wanted her freedom to send them the money. It was so heartbreaking to witness such evil preying on a vulnerable adult. It continued to be the reminder and confirmation that we needed to persevere and do all that we could to help her and keep her safe.

It was so heartbreaking to witness such evil preying on a vulnerable adult.

Scammers are evil. They told her that they were at the airport and then a hotel. My husband would be so kind and explain it’s not real. She could not be convinced so he would actually drive her to where they promised to be and then they were never there. Then she would get home and tell them that she went there and they were not there. Then they would claim that they were just sleeping and missed the call. Then she would want to go back again. We would take her back again and she would learn the same disappointing news. They were not there. It was awful to watch her feelings of hope and disappointment day after day.

Her persistence escalated to a new level when I found her hitchhiking one day with her disabled gait, unsteadily walking down the middle of our street. I stopped and asked what she was doing.  She mumbled a little bit and then started going back toward the sidewalk after I told her she needed to stay on the sidewalk to be safe. Somebody else later noticed her walking down the street again and then called the police. She was trying to hitchhike with strangers. She wanted them to take her to Walmart to buy the gift cards to send the scammers. Even the police tried to explain and convince her that these were scammers when she asked them to take her to the bank. There was just no way to convince her of the truth.

One evening, she had a scammer on the phone. She was talking to them and they were telling her to meet them at the airport. My husband got on the phone with them and told them they were only going to show up if they would FaceTime and prove they were where they claimed to be. They of course would not do that because they were not at the Orlando airport!  When the call ended, she became so upset. That’s when our six-year-old stepped in and gave some of the wisest words “maybe she just needs to take a few deep breaths and throw some confetti.”   If only we could all think of such simple solutions and have them work!

That’s when our six-year-old stepped in and gave some of the wisest words, ‘maybe she just needs to take a few deep breaths and throw some confetti.’

We started learning this situation was too big for us to handle on our own.  We also learned the (mental) health care system is very unhelpful.  It took four months to get a new patient appointment.  It almost fell through at the last minute which was very heartbreaking but thankfully worked out in the end.  We learned about a unique option called a geriatric assessment.  This location happened to be a teaching clinic including fellowships so truly had a team of professionals.  It was an hour and a half comprehensive assessment and meeting with multiple doctors, social workers, residents and fellows.  We got to the end and they said “what do you want us to recommend?”  We were shocked.  We were there in hopes the professionals could help us with next steps and find her a safe place to live.  The situation was so complex, they didn’t know what to do either.  Some of her behaviors and decisions would deem a locked memory care unit necessary, but because she was still young and alert, none of the 13 facilities we visited ever quite felt right.  

It was then another series of unexpected events happened.  I had flown back to North Dakota for a nephew’s baptism.  Out of pure curiosity, I visited a memory care facility.  It opened my eyes to some different possibilities, and it had a few pros we struggled to find in Florida.  Suddenly, and sadly I got a message that my friend’s dad had passed away.  Some might believe it was ironic, but I have to believe it was Divine Intervention that I already had a virtual tour scheduled at this facility that now could be an in-person tour.  We had already taken her to see what we considered to be the top two places out of all the options in Florida and both were turned down.  I mentioned the possibility of moving to ND so our little one could attend Catholic school and she agreed to join me to check it out.  We did the tour.  She said “yes I want to live here!”  I thought it was a miracle.  They said buy the furniture, move it in on Wednesday and her on Thursday.  We bought the furniture and then got a phone call–she scored too high on the memory test and didn’t meet their qualifications.  It was another moment of shock.  Another moment to question the system.  And another moment to question what next?

We did the tour.  She said, ‘yes I want to live here!’  I thought it was a miracle.

More Divine Intervention happened when we finally got into a new doctor that combined with some prior records helped a new plan to form.  It became a plan that would give her a safe place to live, with the most caring staff, and a way for her to gain independence again.  We put some safeguards in place that have made a difference.  All of this finally gave us our family life back and brought us so much more peace.  

Looking back now, I think our story is perfectly summarized by creating beauty through courage, hope, and connection.  Watching someone go from crisis (addiction to scammers, abuse by scammers, and alternate reality from scammers) to a peaceful life again is pure beauty.  To think we had the perseverance to continue our search when nothing felt right, held onto hope that a perfect plan would become clear, and the courage to trust in God’s plan which involved a giant cross country move is pure beauty.  To look back now and see how we finally have our family back together again and get to make so many more precious memories is pure beauty.

To look back now and see how we finally have our family back together again and get to make so many more precious memories is pure beauty.

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Chris’ note: The author of this story asked to remain anonymous, to respect the privacy of those she wrote about.