I have been an introvert for as long as I can remember. Whether due to biological or environmental factors (or some combination of the two) I have always had the tendency to value alone time and avoid social settings. I was shy as a little kid and for a good portion of my teenage years I could be found in my parents’ basement working on my Commodore 64 computer. Sure, I had plenty of friends growing up and I played team sports year round all the way through high school, but given the choice, my preference was to be on my own rather than with a group of others.
This trend continued into my adult years even as I married and helped raise three children who are now young adults. When COVID arrived, it brought with it some unexpected benefits:
- Social distancing? Okay!
- Work remotely? Great!
- No large gatherings? No problem!
It was an introvert’s dream come true. Or so it seemed.
A benefit of getting older is being able to look back at different stages of life and notice things that aren’t so obvious at the moment. One observation I have made over the past few years is that even though the global pandemic allowed me to embrace my introverted tendencies like no other time of my life, to disconnect from nearly everyone outside of my immediate family, it left me feeling incomplete. And upon introspection, what I determined was missing was seemingly a contradiction: connections with others.
As an introvert, I coveted isolation. But as a Christian introvert, I realized that my identity as a follower of Jesus Christ superseded my identity as an introvert, or any other classification that I claimed for that matter. As Jesus taught in the Bible, the greatest commandment was to love God with all my heart, mind, and soul. That directive had always resonated with me and for virtually my entire adult life I had sought to grow in my love for Jesus. But He also said that the second greatest commandment was to love your neighbor as you love yourself, and the Bible was full of guidance for what this looked like when it came to fellow Christians as well as non-Christians.
…I realized that my identity as a follower of Jesus Christ superseded my identity as an introvert…
So as I processed the discovery that it was a lack of connections with others that had left me feeling incomplete, I was reminded that as a Christian, I wasn’t made to hoard the grace and mercy that God was pouring out on me as His child. I was supposed to redirect that grace and mercy to others around me, to share the blessings that I had received in order for my joy to be complete.
I couldn’t do that if I was going to let my introverted nature define me.
I couldn’t do that without making connections.
But how? I couldn’t just flip a switch or fake the gregarious nature of so many extroverts I know.
As the COVID restrictions ended and life got back to normal, God provided an answer to this conundrum. My son was part of a college football team in the area and I was asked to take on a leadership position with the parent group his junior year, a role that included keeping families updated about the season through a weekly email. The emails I sent the first weeks were purely informational, but as that season progressed I became inspired by all that I was witnessing God doing with the football team on and off the field. I found myself reflecting deeply about these things and began to include a paragraph or two within my weekly emails about these reflections. This continued for the duration of that season and the next. During that time I still exhibited introverted tendencies and often felt that typical awkwardness during tailgating events and other gatherings related to the team, but I found that having shared who I was through those emails helped break the ice, helped make those interactions easier, and through those interactions I also learned that my shared reflections were meaningful to and appreciated by many of the other parents.
My love for God and for others grew as these connections deepened. I finally felt complete.
My love for God and for others grew as these connections deepened. I finally felt complete.
With my son’s college football career now over and my role with the parent group with it, I won’t be able to use emails in that way to make connections as I’ve done the past two years. What I’ve taken from the experience, however, is that I need to continue to recognize my introverted tendencies while keeping them subordinate to my Christian identity, and to therefore continue — with God’s help — to look for ways to make connections with others, to continue to redirect to people in my life the grace and mercy that I have received. The way I make these connections may not look the same as others do it, but I will trust that what I bring to these connections will be something unique and meaningful.
From Dan – I’m a lifelong Minnesota resident working in the IT industry and am married to a wonderful wife of nearly 30 years, with whom I have 3 kids ages 19 through 26. Above all, though, I am a Christian who is grateful and gives all the glory to Jesus for what He has done for, in, and through me.
Chris’ note – I met Dan over two decades ago in St. Louis Park, first at church when Dan sang in the contemporary choir and I worked the soundboard. I joke with him that I was able to isolate his microphone and listen just to him or anyone else I chose to. We then went on to become coaches of our daughters’ 8th grade basketball team and have been very good friends ever since.