Julie’s Story

Chris asked me to provide a story for his site at least two months ago. In perfect Julie-fashion, I have procrastinated in writing until now. I shake my head at myself, as I always have such good intentions to do things more promptly. Having said that, I have been thinking about what to write, and how to try to convey it. I am not accustomed to writing from the heart for other people to read (so please be kind 😊).

Anyway, my story. We all have one, and hopefully mine resonates with people, because it is not unique. I have decided to write about perseverance, and more specifically perseverance in finding love. Of course there are all kinds of love: love of self, love of platonic friendships, and romantic love; I have sought or am seeking all of them.

I’ve figured out how to love who I am. Therapy is a wonderful investment, and one that I have benefited from. This doesn’t mean my relationship with myself is perfect, but it is one I am comfortable with. I’ve learned to be self-aware and to be kind to myself. 

Platonic friendships and romantic relationships are relationships that I continue to work on, learn about and seek.

This doesn’t mean my relationship with myself is perfect, but it is one I am comfortable with. I’ve learned to be self-aware and to be kind to myself.

I was married for 13 years and have been divorced for eight years. I guess the natural question is, “Why didn’t my marriage last?” There are two sides to every story about why a relationship ended. Mine is that I was not emotionally satisfied and felt very alone in my marriage. This resulted in loneliness, sadness, and disappointment. I decided that a restart would be best for both of us. I wanted our daughter to see her parents happy, and that meant we had to be apart. In the last eight years, co-parenting is one of the things I am most proud of – our daughter knows she is the most important person in our lives. We have never let our differences affect her. You’ll notice that I did not speak poorly of my ex-husband. He and I did not make it for the long haul, but he is a wonderful father, and I am happy for him to have found a new romantic partner. 

Back to my search for love. Those that have been divorced in their lives know that it can shake other relationships in your life. I feel like that is what happened in my life. Again, I am thankful for therapy! I needed time to reflect on myself, and spend time figuring out who I am, if I want another romantic relationship (I do), and what I want in a romantic partner. 

Finding a romantic relationship is where perseverance really comes into play. Those of us that have dated after divorce, especially in our 40s and older, know that it can be very difficult to meet the right someone. I have heard and know of people who meet and marry the “first” (or nearly so) person they meet online. That is amazing, and I am happy for everyone this happens to. However, it is not the norm. I am in the norm. I am only happy I haven’t kept track of the number of men I’ve met online. There have been a lot in eight years. One of the advantages is that I’ve met some really great men and consider a few of them dear friends. However, romantic love has eluded me.

Finding a romantic relationship is where perseverance really comes into play.

After eight years, I have wondered if I will simply not find it. This may be true, but I’ve come to terms with that at the same time I will keep looking. I think the secret to my attitude and perseverance is being settled in who I am, having learned to live alone and taking things (and people) as they come into my life.