They say some people come into your life for a moment, a season or a lifetime. The first time I met Chris in Starnberg, Germany in 2019, I thought it would be a moment and now I am hoping it is a lifetime. Jet lagged and trying to grasp our new reality of living in a foreign country and starting a new job, we got introduced along with a group of other new employees all excited to start this new adventure together.
Many people are unaware of the incredible world of international teaching and come to it in so many different ways. It is not for the faint of heart or those who do not have an adventurous spirit. There are many challenges but even more rewards. If someone had asked me 10 years ago if I would be living in different places around the world as a School Librarian, I would have laughed and rolled my eyes. Yet here I am in a life that was never planned and yet has healed my soul and opened my mind.
Yet here I am in a life that was never planned and yet has healed my soul and opened my mind.
Back in 2016, my life had finally come together in the most wonderful of ways and my future was brighter than ever before. After being single and dating thousands (felt like it, anyway) of men for over 13 years, I met the proverbial needle in a haystack. Bobby, he was “too good to be true” and every day I pinched myself that I had lucked out. (Well some say after that many dates I had earned him. 😜) He was handsome, funny, talented, humble, kind, generous, a hard worker and had four wonderful kids. Most importantly he treated me like a queen, foot massages every night before bed and coffee on the nightstand every morning. He checked off every single thing on “my list” and then added so much more. We had gotten married back in 2014 and blended our families to make 5 kids and 5 pets. It was a house filled with laughter and a bit of fun chaos. He had just gotten a wonderful promotion to the Austin, Texas area where he got a great pay raise and was able to work remotely. We sold our home in California and bought a beautiful condo on Lake Travis with floor to ceiling windows and views to die for. I was planning to transition to substitute teaching so we could spend our days together, exploring the U.S., and basking in the joys of lake life. Things could not have been better! ♥️
There is an old Yiddish saying which translates to “Man plans, and God Laughs.” As a perpetual planner I have experienced this first hand many times, but never quite so devastatingly. A month after we moved in, Bobby was diagnosed with stage 4 gastric cardia (stomach) cancer. This Ironman, triathlete and Ragnar racer who had just had his 50-year-old full check up, and exhibited zero symptoms beyond a low fever, was told cancer had spread throughout his body and that he was looking at 1-2 years of life left. I will spare you the details of the crushing devastation the family faced, the attempts at chemotherapy and just let you know that he passed away 3.5 months later, 2 days after Christmas, in our lake home, holding my hand.
There is an old Yiddish saying which translates to ‘Man plans, and God Laughs.’
Grief is like the ocean, unpredictable, huge swells and lows. It is endless, mysterious, with so many unknowns, unexplored valleys and dangerous currents. The only hope to survive is to float and keep your head above water looking for the horizon. That horizon for me was doing the things we had hoped and planned to do together. One of the big ones was living internationally. So after traveling solo to Italy to spread his ashes, as he requested, and taking an Outlander Tour in Scotland to explore our favorite show’s filming locations, I moved to Jeju Island, South Korea for my first international school librarian job.
Many have said living overseas is life changing and I agree wholeheartedly. My favorite thing about my experiences these last 8 years have been the friendships and connections you make with colleagues and students. I have been so blessed to have met so many wonderful people and to have traveled to so many amazing places. These experiences and friendships were the best medicine for my incredibly damaged heart and soul.
Chris was one of those colleagues and someone I connected with instantly. He is such a compassionate human, who laughed at my jokes, and was such a good listener. He made it easy to be vulnerable as he was so open with his own feelings and experiences. Although we haven’t seen each other in a couple of years, I know that he is someone who will make the effort to stay in touch and when we reconnect in person it will be like no time has passed. I am looking forward to our lifetime of friendship.
Frances “Frankie” Foyle
Chris’ Note: As Frankie said, we met during each of our first couple of days in Munich, when we were both settling in and getting ready to begin our new teaching positions. I still remember getting a kick out of watching her react to our on-boarding person as we ate lunch at a restaurant in Starnberg the first day we met. We quickly became friends and had a great time together in Bavaria. I look forward to having Frankie back stateside!
What a heart breaking yet hopeful story.
Lovely story for me to read this morning Chris, thanks.
Thanks Frankie for sharing. You and I have curiously and sadly a similar story of love, your heart and ability for healing has rung though for me today. Your tale has inspired me to reach out to a fiend I haven’t seen for some time as well!! It feels good.
I have been inspired by your 30 day story project Chris-well done!!!!!
Frankie, thank you for sharing your story. Although I met you with the crew you referred to with Chris and you have shared these details, it makes my heart ache from your heartbreak and also makes my heart warm from your strength, courage and resilience. I miss you and Chris but know we will pick it all back up like old times the minute we say ‘Prost’ together.